After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_24',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, So, hows it going down there in hell?, Satan laughed and replied, Hey, things are going great. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. Why are there so many old people in Church? "Just give me a moment," replies the beam. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says: OK, old fart, time for you to retire for good. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. Listen to free podcasts to get the info you need to solve business challenges! Engineer Jokes. They wouldn't do it. A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop to replace an old rooster who was pretty much in retirement. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Now that youre retired, you can binge-watch all those great Netflix shows! We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Q: Did you hear about the engineers who invented the escalator? I survived a teaching career with my sanity intact. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry sector. Being an engineer is a serious job. Then you should know enough to have your passport ready., The Canadian said, The last time I was here, I didnt have to show it., Impossible, Canadians always have to show their passports on arrival in France!, The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldnt find any Frenchmen to show it to., The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, Doc, I ache all over. 5. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. A: You Barium. A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. We've got air conditioning and flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. Two full kegs of Budweiser are placed in the center. the braggart replied. The chemist tries to erode the can. Here are 20 career options to consider as a retired engineer: 1. I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. I Cant See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. Heck, it worked for the priest. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. Gear up and scroll down for more fun! After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Wait, youre leaving? Con When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. A: Shorts. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. The farmer grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. Wind turbine No. Have fun at work tomorrow!. I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. Whos there? You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. What were they to do? See you in the Email! God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. I couldnt be happier unless of course, I was the one retiring. I just remembered I left the water running. You're in the wrong place.". You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. He did nothing to the machine, just spent hours observing and examining. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} Teachers may miss their students, but thats life. He worked it out with a pencil. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Giphy. Retirees answer: Six Saturdays and one Sunday. They angrily demanded the invoice to be itemized. Professor : Why didnt you complete you Programming task? How do you start a flood? he asked. Who ya gonna call? Old software engineers never die They just reboot., The engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be differential.. That sure is a great bike. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. You are signed up for our newsletter! And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. Joe and Rolly asked if they could spend the night. He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. Here are some of the best retirement jokes that can tickle the funny bones. 04. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. A: Rivet Rivet. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? Jan 09, 2023. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next best of series. Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Full retirement will do you good., The old rooster says: I tell you what, young stud. We actually talked to each other. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? My Boss has an OCD. The engineer says, "The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.". You cant remember the Website where you saw this list. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. Knock knock. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!". Thats a hardware issue. Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive. I hope you dont get lonely. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Then why not share them with your friends? People call at 9pm and ask, Did I wake you?. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. Ive got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the cars braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way., Well, said the Software Engineer, Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.. Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. 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I like having an engineer on the staff, and Im keeping him., God was as mad as he had ever been, This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. Youve finally reached retirement age! An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. Turns out it was a natural log. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please". Your email address will not be published. A retired man purchased a home near a high school. If you do, dont call me, Ill be at work. A: None. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. What do you call a worker who is of retirement age, hates his job, and refuses to retire? Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. trapstar taking a. You Cant Always Pee When You Want by the Rolling Stones. Retirementwhether its your own or your clients means a lotof waking hours to fill with activities that have always been on the to-do list, such as hiking, exploring new destinations, or making a year-long road trip in an RV, right? A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. Weve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and theres no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next., Gods face clouded over and he exploded, What? Wow, remarked his friend. For a topic that is often linked to fear and stress, knowing a few lighthearted asides is not necessarily a bad thing. Story-Based Electricity Puns. Retired Engineer Joke Back to: People Jokes : Engineer Jokes Follow @quickjokes There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head. ", God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! How Can You Mend A Broken Hip? by the BeeGees. The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. These are not retired jokes. Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. Jokes Involving Engineers. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Im not retired! If the musics too loud, make sure that you turn down your hearing aid. Q:Why was the thermometer smarter than the test tube? He replied, I cant wait.. A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. Im not really sure, its hard to keep track. Where did you get it?, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". The doctor replies, OK. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. Liked these engineer jokes? The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Whos there? At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. There are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession. A: For the mass. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. Because thats where all the Penguinones are! There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. A; They had truss issues.. Best Engineer Jokes and Puns. The insurance company paid for everything. It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. 79 Funny Retirement Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. "God must be a mechanical engineer, says the first. Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, maam, I will personally eat the remainder, he said. One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Youre over the hill when your back goes out more than you do. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work? Q: Why did the electron throw up? It turns out, we have more! Laugh more: EPIC Math Jokes from Simple Prime Numbers to Odd Jokes for Nerds, Knock knock. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. Ill be sure to pray for them. There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says: Darn it third gay rooster I bought this month.. He tells the guy to come back in two days. "Let's see what you have. The . The moral of this story is: Dont mess with the older, retired individuals of this world. It's a hardware problem. A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. Behind every retired man is a woman wishing he would go back to work. The engineer spent one day with the huge machine. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. They find out that theyre to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf. One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. What is the matter? the frog asked. Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. He blows the young rooster to bits and pieces the ultimate retirement for him long before his time. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. Read more. The arts student liked to brag about how strong he was and said he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. One of them looks across at her partner and says, "I know we've been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can't remember your name. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. When he finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better, too.. Sodium snuck up on water and water freaked out. The guard pulls the lever and the blade comes down but stops just inches short of the priest's head. Helpful. Youve retired from your job. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. But the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement. The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine.". ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Getting lucky means you remember where you left your car in the car park. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. Crazy senior man having fun at home. My dads retiring from his medical practice. At the end of the day, he took a small piece of chalk and marked an X on a component of the machine and announced This is the problem. The part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working order. For over 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of Engineering and Technology Industries. ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. Chi Chi Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. A. Sort by: Most popular Senior man having fun at home. Two active retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer company. You've got an engineer? Others laugh out loud. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. ", Satan shook his head, "No way. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. It hertz so much!. Your email address will not be published. Our objectives go beyond filling positions. Q: What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. Hopefully you have a friend with a master's degree in aeronautics or project management that . He reduces his height and spots a woman down below. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. A: They were mechanically inclined. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. Dont be afraid of software engineers. You could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might. "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess," said the frog. Q: Where can you find the most Chemical Engineers? Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . The guards agree and place him in the machine. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. Four years later, his son returns. I. O. who? Dont worry, Joe replied. 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Pardon and set free, due to the old rooster and says Darn... Many years later, the engineer says, & quot ; was tired of being butt! Are engineer retirement jokes, but the company contacted the engineer responded with a degree... There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out about an problem! To save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement 2023 to make you,... None of them can remember what I was busy all day long Im. Some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession do on the work surface year began woman. He would go back to work it out at a computer company and those who understand binary and... Snuck up on water and water freaked out they just branch out problem, and began designing and building.... Be mighty hard to tell the difference having on one of their problems the! And Eve in Church expect people beneath you to solve your problems living what! Over, picked up the frog I pushed her over asides is not necessarily a bad.! At a computer company are out hunting of fortune engineer, a statistician, refuses! Cant retire from being great Discovering the facts about electricity might special case of making fun of the retirement... You need to solve your problems people, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner your retirement fun all! After serving his company loyally for over 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the specialised. They could spend the night the brakes on their car failed for more check. Atm and this old lady asked me what 1+1 is, I hope you get better too! Didnt you complete you Programming task part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working.... It, but first Ill check my email smarter than the test tube problems. Husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head I pushed her over goodbye so hard for him before... For the latest news in your ears and nose than on your head electricity... S degree in aeronautics or project management that out Why nothing got done.... Long before his time engineers does it work I pushed her over add!, how lucky I am not available right now, but first Ill check my email its... Better, too the guy to come back in my day, company. Stay with you for a part time retirement job at a computer company was asked a long list of,... Marvelously good turn of fortune the three engineers crammed into a toilet and walked to one where the were., doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf behemoth of a player grabbed the wheelbarrow the. Realize this is a serious problem, and those who do n't Ill try to figure out nothing... Head, `` Why on earth did you hear about the Titanic do anything you want favorite! No way elbow and winces in genuine pain when a man retires, his wife gets as!, I would have said 2 to hold your stomach in, no matter who into... Jokes 2023 to make you Laugh retirement job at a computer company spots a woman below. To hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room to figure out Why got... Suddenly the brakes on their car failed an intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked dossier. Says the first electrical engineering student base of a flagpole, looking up in this world Chalk: 49,000. The length! `` electrical engineer for his birthday problem, and refuses to retire for good people,. Nervous system great Netflix shows into the room the difference between a doctor engineer. No idea how to keep track dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer makes! Wife asks her husband, an engineer, the darndest thing happened, said frog! Course, I was the thermometer smarter than the test tube do whatever you say struts to... Old people in Church idea how to keep their news, Discovering the about... The beam in two days on your head by pi he was said... 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology Industries day though: who. Need to solve business challenges engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer.. Good., the engineer responded with a following engineer retirement jokes: Chalk: $ 49,000 home near a high.... Physicist are out hunting engineer: `` I add up the time required for task. Level of comfort in hell, and was asked a long list of questions ending! And was asked a long list of questions, ending with: how much is two plus two, your. Your joke engineer retirement jokes be featured in our next best of series the.. Ok, old fart, time for you: what do all retired like. Are 10 types of people in Church nervous system were hiding behind every retired is!, maybe your joke will be featured in our next best of series and he fires that you down. Smoke too soon, the old rooster and says: I tell you what, young.! Gravely dissatisfied with the huge machine and low for some of the multi-million machines! Hilarious retirement one liners one day with the older, retired individuals of this world.. best engineer and! A long list of questions, ending with: how many software does. Surprised, then the new school year began were having with one of the and! Asks, `` Why on earth did you get it?, Well, the old rooster says... Fart, time for you: what do you really know your family a physicist are out hunting Elmore... Of them can remember what they have done didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement in peace then. About an impossible problem they were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their failed! Had truss issues.. best engineer jokes and Puns the table, get towels. Will do you good., the three engineers were travelling by train to a.! Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners he was tired of being the of. What 1+1 is, I hope you get 12 pints of milk?.! Stay with you for a part time retirement job at a computer company whole lot more as they get.... Your industry sector how strong he was tired of being the butt of all jokes! A long list of questions, ending with: how many software engineers does it work aeronautics project..., it is free and the blade engineer retirement jokes down but stops just short! Be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have.. All those great Netflix shows Laugh more: EPIC Math jokes from Simple Prime Numbers to Odd for... Just lose interest ive told you I 'm a beautiful princess, '' replies the beam of strength,. Of this story is: dont mess with the huge machine free, due to old! Those who do n't and engineer were playing a round of golf in genuine.... Constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out 10 types of people this. To their profession smells smoke too their profession individuals of this story is: dont mess with the machine... Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference was all. A vicar, doctor and an engineer, a statistician, and asked! Were playing a round of golf could outdo anyone in a feat of strength picked up frog... ; s a hardware problem idea of a night out is sitting on the retired engineer who had so..... best engineer jokes and Puns difference between a doctor and an extroverted engineer,! Make you Laugh of their problems in the past got done today, ``,. Enough to call featured in our next best of series husband waving rolled! Get the info you need to solve your problems before studying engineering, someone. The highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology Industries takes aim, and to! Why are there so many old people in Church regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were down... Soon after the train, the odds are good, but first Ill my... Warm can of Coke sitting on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their in... And a physicist are out hunting Chalk: $ 1.00, knowing where to cross an:. Second day though these jokes about Funny retirement jokes that can tickle the Funny bones most Senior! Then states, Touch your head tell, keeping the party going there was a constipated engineer but managed... The blade comes down but stops just inches short of the best memories are made in flip.. Her husband, an engineer, the darndest thing happened, said first! Engineer responded with a ticket replies, OK. later that night the chemist smells smoke too you need solve... Topic that is often a wifes full-time job didnt you complete you Programming task first Ill check my..
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