Lotje: One of the therapies I found very useful was Occupational Therapy. It was a lovely email. Lotje: When I fell ill, it was a huge shock to everybody as it was such a radical and massive transformation overnight. Later on, I learned the stroke was caused by a rare development of malformed blood vessels in my brain. The National Aphasia Association is 501 (c)(3), Words are more like Cats than Dogs: A Commentary on Aphasia, Affiliate Highlight: Aphasia Group of Middle Tennessee. A year has passed and Lotje is at a Cognitive Communication conference, speaking to anaudience of therapists, sharing with them her experience. Can You Rebuild My Brain? Lotje Sodderland Sat 22 Nov 2014 02.30 EST Last modified on Fri 1 Dec 2017 12.22 EST A trailer for My Beautiful Broken Brain, Lotje's documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie. And in the aftermath, she was transformed. Her friends describe her as someone impassioned, who was busy multitasking, writing films, writing in general, always readingthick books, someone very articulate. But it was decided that this experiment could no longer be run on people who had suffered a stroke within the past year. But can he make it entertaining the way The Big Short did with the financial crisis? Sometimes, it is not about choosing to be positive but to understand and acknowledge that you have been hit with a mental condition or illness and working your way out of it is going to be very tough. At the same time, Ive learned to look at the world in a really different way. At first, my writing looked like a childs. Things change constantly for everybody. I have to use a tablet to write messages for my husband. When a sudden illness robbed Mrs Tan of her communication abilities, find out how she and her husband sourced for creative ways to recover while continue to enjoy the sweet moments of married life together. This together with various sequences showing the world from her point-of-view at that time, including for example visual misperceptions (hallucinations), produce a rather personal storytelling style.[3][4][5]. Lotje, theres a turning point in the film, when you decide to stop seeing yourself as limited and instead start focusing on the possibilities. In celebration of Aphasia Awareness Month this June, we caught up with the Lotje after the free screening of her documentary and had an intimate conversation with her to find out about her post-recovery struggles and how she overcame them. I remember the cognitive psychologist drawing a diagram to indicate where on the scale my old intellect had been, and where it was now. I could now write quite fluently, but I still could not read. I enjoy silence now, otherwise I cant sleep - my brain cant close down if has too much input during the day. On one hand, it's landed a cast of incredibly funny actresses, but on the other, another reboot? We seeLotje struggle with the first sessions of cognitive evaluation and speech therapy, the embarrassment from not being able to remember simple word, her nervous laughter, her apologies for not making a lot of sense, her courageoussmile turning into uncontrollable tears of frustration and sadness. We spent many frustrating afternoons trying. After that I just became really interested in his films. At the age of 34 Lotje Sodderland suffered a stroke that almost killed her but left her with a fascination with the science that saved her life. It seemed entirely impossible that I would be able to love someone else and even more improbable that someone would love the damaged new me. Looking back it was actuallyvery liberating -to have no ego, no past or future, no understanding of a lost, logical life. Can you put your hands on your shoulders? I didnt know what shoulders were. I didnt even know what assessment meant, or what I was being assessed for. ISTANBUL FILM FESTIVAL. Liam Neeson and Andrew Garfield star, playing two Jesuit Portuguese Catholic priests who face violent persecution when they travel to Japan to seek out their mentor and spread the teachings of Christianity, David Lynchbecame an executive producer on the film, Sodderland is lucky to be alive, having suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to speak, read, write and perform even simple tasks, Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in, Please refresh your browser to be logged in, My Beautiful Broken Brain: The woman who 'video-selfied' her stroke, 5% off all bookings with this Travelodge discount code, Save 200 on 2023 holidays with this TUI discount code, Extra 15% off Balearic Islands reservation with Barcelo promo code, Family memberships from just 83.40 a year at National Trust, Up to 15% off stays in trending hotels with Hotels.com, Compare broadband packages side by side to find the best deal for you, Compare cheap broadband deals from providers with fastest speed in your area, All you need to know about fibre broadband, Best Apple iPhone Deals in the UK February 2023, Compare iPhone contract deals and get the best offer this February, Compare the best mobile phone deals from the top networks and brands. I felt that he would understand my situation. Lotje Sodderlands long journey to a happy life with what she calls her new brain began early on a November morning in 2011. You wrote a beautiful piece for The Guardian about a year ago about what happened to you . I gazed at the night sky and remembered my old life of freedom and adventure. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. She lost two years of her memory, forgetting her own daughter and even asking whether she herself was Chinese. It may sound simple, but it made a huge difference to me. This prompts her to enroll in an experimental therapy that uses Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) a non-invasive methodto stimulate a small part of the brain through magnetically induced electric currents. Shed been put into an induced coma, endured emergency surgery to her parietal and temporal lobes. I woke to the sound of nurses by my bed, discussing their Christmas plans. Romance is a complex neurological process, and Ididnt think Iwas eligible any more. It is very difficult to be other peoples property. Colours were brighter, sounds louder and emotions more raw. This year, I fell in love, a terrifying prospect when operating a new brain. Meanwhile, a multitude of tests were undertaken to ascertain the extent of the damage. I figured out the video function on my iPhone, and began to record my new life. My family and friends knew that I was going to be different after the stroke and they accepted me. Access unlimited streaming of movies and TV shows with Amazon Prime Video Sign up now for a 30-day free trial. But at the end of the program, she still cant read. She did the tea and toast test on me, and this time Ipassed. That meant something, because the relationship that he had with Lotje was very genuine. I signed a pile of disclaimers and followed a delightfully deadpan neurologist, Dr Leff, into what looked like an interstellar teleportation device. Q: Hello, Lotje! In mid-January, I was admitted to the rehabilitation unit at Homerton hospital for a three-month period. Sodderland describes the process of making My Beautiful Broken Brain as essential to her recovery. [7], My Beautiful Broken Brain had its world premiere at the 2014 International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, where it won the DOC U award. But Lotje, as you can hear on the phone and see in the film, is massively articulate and knows exactly what she wants. When the stroke happened, I forgot his name. The whole of this film has always been quite serendipitous, and sort of reacting to instinct rather than logic. Dutch-French filmmaker Lotje Sodderland didn't know young people could suffer from a stroke - until she had one herself in 2011, then aged 34. Lotje improves, she can now speak fairly fluently. He really helped us massively. Now, I have to be selective about where Ifocus my attention. Through extensive in-patient and out-patient rehabilitation that included occupational therapy, speech therapy, visits with both a psychologist and psychiatrist, she makes a profound recovery, despite the post-seizure regression she experienced following the experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatments. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. She woke up in hospital two days later, and once she had her belongings returned to her, found herself reaching for her iPhone and once someone had shown her how to use it again pressing record, Although initially Sodderland was using her phone videos to help her remember all the meetings with doctors, she realised that she also wanted to document what was happening to her. Mit: . NEURO SYMPOSIM BEIJING. I do really live in the present, which is something that a lot of people aspire to, but for me, has happened as a result of the brain damage. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Living on her own, she lays in bed for a while waiting for it to happen but something nudges her to get up and seek help. As part of her recovery she designed a motivational psychological programme and she has now developed the app "Recovery After a Brain Injury" to help people faced with similar challenges. IDFA AMSTERDAM. Thoughts occurred to me. My Beautiful Broken Brain is an intensely personal story of a 34 year old woman, Lotje Sodderland, who documented through film her 1-year journey of recovery from hemorrhagic stroke, which resulted in Aphasia. Unable even to contemplate the idea of fear, it felt as if I had become fear itself. A formidable Baltic nurse ripped the metal staples from my blood-caked scar. Almost as an excuse, Lotje explains: I was a prettynormal, busy, kind of a clever person. He basically said how excited he was by my brain. Starring Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and Natalie Portman, it sees a man return home from New York and get sucked into the hollow hedonism of LA, fighting to extricate himself from it, Based on journalist Kim Barkers 2011 memoir The Taliban Shuffle: Strange Days in Afghanistan and Pakistan, this dark comedy sees Tina Fey play a foreign correspondent reporting in the Middle East during Operation Enduring Freedom, where she develops a weird relationship with a fellow journalist played by Martin Freeman, The wind seems to have gone out of the sails of the Man of Steel series in spite of the addition of a new Batman, and there's a more palpable anticipation for Suicide Squad (which arrives later in the year), Coming off the back of multi-Oscar winner Boyhood, this Richard Linklater film looks a lot like Dazed and Confused if it was set in the 80s, albeit pitched more towards comedy, Disney is trampling on its own hallowed ground with this live action remake. Hopefully the new TV show will offer something a bit less action-orientated and a bit more cerebral, The Bourne series completely went off the boil with Jeremy Renner as its lead, but now both Matt Damon and original director Paul Greengrass are back to steady the ship. I spent a long time constructing a message, and recording what I felt. Q: What kind of negative feelings arose during your recovery, and how did you manage or overcome them? The hotel staff finds her eventually and she is rushed to the hospital where her family finds her the next day. Please, The subscription details associated with this account need to be updated. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. When Mrs Tan regained consciousness, Mr Tan also had to manage his wifes agitation towards her weakened condition and new disability called aphasia. Now, after the success of My Beautiful Broken Brain, they see the value of story-telling for brain-injured people. Doing simple daily activities such as accessing your bank account or doing anything bank-related after a brain injury can be so complicated. And its beautiful. "I just thought he'd understand," she says. ", In 2011, Soderland, then 34 and working as a documentary producer, woke up in the early hours of the morning in her flat in east London with an excruciating headache. My mother almost went into shock as she didnt know what to do. Speech therapist Goh Huai Zhi shares his understanding of the brain and insights on aphasia recovery. 2 months after her strokeshe enrolls in a 3-month long program ina neurological rehabilitation center for people with brain injurieswhere she undergoes psychological and linguistic treatment. Falling in love was as immediate, raw and unfiltered as if I were doing it for the first time. Tom Hanks is your guy. Im not dead. An excruciating pain in my head woke me up in the early hours. She has been commissioned by Channel 4, Netflix, and The Guardian, and nominated for an Emmy Award as well as receiving awards from Wellcome Trust and IDFA Amsterdam. Through them, I found an opportunity to become a better version of myself by focusing on kindness and being less absorbed in myself. While there have been moments of mourning for my old life, my new limitations mean I have been forced to unravel exactly what I was made of. Knowing that was not the answer, Mr Tan insisted for more tests and scans which subsequently revealed a dilated pupil and a blood clot in her brain, indicating signs of a stroke. Midway through filming, Robinson contacted Lynch's agent to try and show him one of these videos and much to their surprise he sent them an email back. International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, "SXSW Film Review: My Beautiful Broken Brain", "My Beautiful Broken Brain: The amazing collaboration of David Lynch and a woman who 'video-selfied' her stroke", "My Beautiful Broken Brain review - moving study of life after stroke", "At SXSW, a Woman Who Had a Stroke Turns Director", "Netflix Picks Up 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' Documentary from David Lynch", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=My_Beautiful_Broken_Brain&oldid=1098836516, Short description is different from Wikidata, Pages containing links to subscription-only content, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 17 July 2022, at 18:34. Now, he says, I dont interact with people in the same way, that I have become introspective. Mr Tan shared: 25 January 2019 is a day that I try not to remember. I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations., Keeping love fun even when illness strikes, Lotje Sodderland on finding her limit-less possibilities after acquiring aphasia. As time passes, it becomes clear to Lotjethat things wont be the same as before. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Following severe brain injuries, the NHS refers patients to inpatient neurological rehabilitation units for psychological, linguistic and physical treatment. He has this connection with deconstructed language. I started working with the abilities that I regained and that I retained. Meeting with fellow patients has helped in rebuilding Mrs Tans confidence. I was in hospital, unable to speak or communicate. I still cant read for more than a few minutes at a time (these words are brought to you courtesy of Siri), but I see more of the world; a world that may not always have left-to-right linear patterns, but is intuited instead through subtle sensory experience. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. Iasked a friend if he thought I was a changed woman. Colours were much more vibrantand sounds were louder. What does that make me? If it feels weird and uncomfortable, well hold off a bit or maybe we just wont do it.. Lotje Sodderland makes candid, vulnerable films laced with pathos and humour. And it still is. David Festenstein, who has written a blog about his recovery from a stroke, has suggested that the video and audio recording capabilities on our smartphones can play a vital role in stroke recovery. I had no idea how to meditate and was too fragmented to listen to the teacher, but the sweet silence of the shrine room had me instantly hooked. And shes an engaging, lovely, warm person. This year, I told my husband that I have a new goal I want to be able to argue with him. Apart from the scar under my hair, my face and body were perfectly intact.. It was decided I would go and live with my mother. Lotje Sodderland was a digital producer at a hip London creative agency when she suffered a stroke that decimated her language skills and threw her sensory perception into disarray. I was found unconscious on the toilet floor at 1pm that afternoon. March 22, 2016. He invited us to this strange, magical event in London a few days later, where they were going to beam him in. Mr Tan quit his job and poured his heart into finding the best care for his partner by doing his own research and seeking the advice of family and healthcare professionals. This first standalone 'anthology' film centres on a Death Star heist, but may prove to just be filler while Star Wars 8 is in production, 'A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in one of its sleep chambers. All rights reserved. Id been commissioned, that morning, to find five different filmmakers in Moscow to shoot and deliver video by the end of the day. That was really that transformative moment. A sketch of the monsters she saw in visions and dreams. It was a dreary Sunday in November 2011. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. In the beginning, when I wanted to do a film, my family thought it was really weird, but they still supported me. But I try not to get overwhelmed by life, because there is a real beauty to that rawness. I felt elated to have been able to share it, and at making the therapist laugh. Nov 2011 - Sep 202210 years 11 months. [1][2], David Lynch became an executive producer of the film. Like all newlyweds, IT professionals Mr and Mrs Tan* had big plans for their married life after getting hitched in October 2018. I was put on a waiting list and while I waited, received what the NHS calls therapy at home. Its about having to rethink your life halfway through, and that can happen to any of us. I opted instead to volunteer for an experiment on my brain, using transcranial direct current stimulation. Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, SE1 9GF. I remember at one stage wanting to die because the pain was so intense. Like many of the UK's 1.2 million stroke survivors, Sodderland spent months trying to relearn how to navigate this new world, where thoughts followed no structure and words lost their meaning. . Lotjeis a fighter and she has the good fortune to have access to therapy. Lotje Sodderland, who filmed her recovery from a stroke at the age of 34 Credit: Netflix Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. Among the faculties Ihadlost was the ability to understand narrative. Ad Choices, 5 Key Signs That Indicate Youre Going Through Menopause, SAG Awards 2023: FashionLive From the Red Carpet, Phil Ohs Best Street Style Photos From the Fall 2023 Shows in Paris. But I had this desire to document everythinga sense of wanting to make a documentary, but not in a very logical, coherent way. Sky High: The Series Eventually, hours later, I managed to get to the hotel across the street and was found unconscious in the toilets. But from that first interview she did on camera, my hairs stood up on my neck.". And in a way? I didnt know it yet, but I was experiencing anunprovoked bleed to my brain a stroke. Thank you so much for joining us. I wondered if these women might be able to help me with the more pressing issue of my sanity. "It wasn't a logical reality, it was another dimension. I had faltered, and the words were gone Then Iblacked out, consumed by a four-hour convulsive seizure. 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' is released on Netflix tomorrow. According to her, making a film about her struggles was the first linear thought she had after the stroke. PEOPLE 2008.3.10 Text: Lotje Sodderland Vlieger & Vandam comprise Carolien and Hein (respectively), a Dutch husband-and-wife team who's happy union was the result of a friend's casual match-making exploits. Thisheartfelt documentary is an honest portrayal of the process of re-learning to live with a broken brain, ofhuman fragility and vulnerability, of persisting in the difficult journey of recovery through series of setbacks and bad news, of dealing with uncertainty of whether things will ever get better orwhether, instead, they will get worse, of realizing that there are many questions that have no definitive answers or clear explanations. Last year, four years after the stroke, I got married to a wonderful man. She admits that it takes a very long time to get used to a new brain.. When youre in hospital and youre being constantly assessed and measured by how youre limited, what you can no longer do, who you no longer are, its very painful. The turning point came when she began to discover what she calls her core identity: a deep-rooted sense of self that persists even when all external markerscareer, romance, friendshipsare under siege. Lotje describes herself as hard-working, a traveler, someone who has lots of friends, someone who loves to read. Lotje Sodderland was speaking to Mabh Ritchie, The latest offers and discount codes from popular brands on Telegraph Voucher Codes, Lotje Sodderland, who filmed her recovery from a stroke at the age of 34, Lotje Sodderland shortly after her stroke, I have a 97 per cent chance of getting cancer so Im living life like theres no tomorrow, Olia Hercules: I thought my son had autism but then the doctors spotted something else, What over-the-counter drugs can actually do to your body, After 13 funerals, I was broken by military life but these woods saved me, Ive lost 10kg by lifting weights and my energy has soared, The latest gut-health mood and immunity boost is a 'postbiotic', the resulting film, My Beautiful Broken Brain,is now on Netflix. She woke up in her east London flat with a blinding headache and. The hospitals language therapist had promised to get me discharged as soon as possible, assuming I was eager to go home. Do you remember this meeting? Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. One night, Lotjegoes out to watch fireworks in London, herhometown, and at the end of the evening, she goes home and goes to bed. My Beautiful Broken Brain aired on Netflix on March 18, 2016. Brechas Urbanas Sao Paolo. And had I actually gone mad? Someone told me that the quietest place in London was the Bethnal Green Buddhist Centre. So much was crammed into this one-off investigation by Lotje Sodderland, a 40-year-old Londoner who barely survived a serious stroke in 2011, that we had too little time to absorb what we. When film-maker Lotje Sodderland had a severe stroke, she lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. 10.6k Followers, 1,026 Following, 1,325 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Lotje Sodderland (@lotje____) Here, she speaks to Telegraph Women about the day she became a different person. Wed had one meeting, and she really stuck in my mind. 34 year old Lotje Sodderland's personal voyage into the complexity, fragility and wonder of her own brain following a life changing hemorrhagic stroke. I enjoy our talks so much more these days. So it was worth it? With Lotje Sodderland. I didnt want the experience to pass through me. After waking, I was diagnosed with aphasia, which affects your cognition and communication skills, and homonymous hemianopsia-meaning I'dlost almost all the vision in my right eye. She was suffering a massive brain haemorrhage due to a rare developmental malformation of the blood vessels in her brain. She was a 34-year-old advertising executive with no indications of underlying health issues. The comfort of unconsciousness threatened to pull me under, but instead I took my handbag and walked out of the door. I had so many questions, such as: why had this happened? Aphasia SG is a not-for-profit organisation supporting persons with aphasia and their caregivers. Since the stroke, I've had to really transform my lifestyle and accept that things are going tobe very different. I was a fan of his magical, frightening, beautiful aesthetic, his mysterious narrative. The film was initiated by its protagonist herself. I was emerging after two days inan induced coma, after having an intracerebral brain haemorrhage - an unprovoked bleeding of the brain - at the age of 34. Her vision is also troubling her she sees intense colors. But there is real value in my new life: its much more meaningful and focused, and that includes my relationships. That required a period of mourning for my old life, and then a period of acceptance. "He knows about the non-linear narratives and the subtle relationship between the mundane and the surreal." An emergency brain surgery saves her life. Its impossible to prove alink between the testing and the seizure, and Iwas later told that I was always at a higher risk ofseizures in the first year after a stroke. Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Sodderlands stroke left her with significant cognitive problems: impaired speech and memory; trouble with sequencing events; distorted, sometimes psychedelic vision; and an inability to read or write that persists to this day. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. I struggled to find the logic in a toothbrush, or the system that goes with the washing of hair, even though I knew (without really understanding) that these behaviours were a necessary part of human life. Ilooked at my clothes and their complex mechanics baffled me. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. This footage, which she captured just weeks after waking up from an induced coma, has become part of My Beautiful Broken Brain, a film by Sodderland and Sophie Robinson, which premieres tomorrow on Netflix. You talked about acceptance. I would need a code made of numbers. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. "We started filming that day and she was still very confused and there was a big part of me that was wary because I knew she was very vulnerable and had to concentrate on recovery. I am very fortunate that my friends and family are very loving and supportive. Do you remember Lotje? When you hear someones just had a brain hemorrhage, youre not going to say no. I looked around and saw patients in various states of disablement: some were comatose, some were talking to themselves; one, a GuillainBarr syndrome survivor, lay in bed reading. Around April, I also started researching community groups and found Aphasia SG.. Lotje and her family start looking for reasons, they speak to her doctors, ask questions, and we hear a lot of we dont know, we cant tell for sure why this happened. But when I looked back, the words had slid off the page. UNIRTE AHORA En este documental, descubriremos por qu David Lynch tuvo un papel clave en la recuperacin de Lotje Sodderland. In a post-surgery self-filmed footage, she shares her excitementof not being dead. "I went to meet her the day after she got out of hospital," says Robinson. Doctors telling me things that I dont understand. Shed had a brain hemorrhage, the result she would eventually find out, of a vascular abnormality that developed before birth. 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