These alters protect the main identity from awareness of trauma. You might have moments where you discover evidence of your memory gaps, such as text messages you dont remember sending or purchases you dont remember deliberating. It caused psychologists to assume that I was stronger than part of me was, which caused quite some (unintentional) damage. like, don't get me wrong, i get where you're trying to come from, but understanding the reasons for their abuse isn't really something i get the chance to center when i have no cognitive or emotional space to process their actions. The most common metaphors that tend to get used for what it feels like to switch are very DID-centric. I go from me, a young nerdy woman to an angsty, edgy young man who likes heavy metal and SHOULD have black hair and be like 6 foot, or I'll go from me to acting silly and small and liking to color and wear frilly clothes and be called a different name. We discussed the results but not the diagnosis (I know its mostly for insurance anyway, but I like to do research so I like to know whats going on). That includes what causes it, factors that influence its presentation, how alters are created, how switching works, all the current science behind this stuff, etc. Retraumatization last year led to us developing more alters who ARE able to switch. It would cause misunderstandings as I would present myself as very angry and fearless, laughing at everything and at another moment I would be extremely fearful and could not handle anything that would stir up trauma again. The primary symptom of dissociative disorders, of course, is dissociation. One of the many questions I frequently hear is about OSDD other specified dissociative disorder. which is widely accepted at the moment, endogenic systems, who form later on in life, are impossible. I feel like I'm still doing things but Feels Different. Wed like to set Google Analytics cookies to help us to improve our website by collecting and reporting information on how you use it. Each person needs to weigh up the pros and cons on an individual basis and do what is right for them. If dissociative therapy and diagnoses are difficult to attain across the pond, we may want to get the work done here before we relocate. How can you distinguish this from modes in BPD? Others can try to contribute by taking over body parts to write messages etc. Robert Oxnam on relating his experiences with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly MPD), from A Fractured Mind: My Life with Multiple Personality Disorder(pp.4-5), (If you like this post then you might like this other one as well! Your experience feels very akin to ours (not a lot of amnesia presently, but nearly no childhood memories), so it was nice to see this witnessed outsides ourselves and on top of this writing itself, seeing another set of persons sharing that same experience. I have experiences like this when the one who normally "drives" gets booted out of the driver's seat when another one of us has such overwhelming emotions that they take over. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Slow switches are usually consensual switches in which two or more alters are co-conscious to varying degrees and slowly blending and retreating to allow one alter to gain prominence. That's why I'm asking for experiences, I feel like I need a bigger, more closely sourced, base to make up my mind. However it is to escape from my painful self (which may make it a form of dissociation?) There are inevitably going to be some system members that dont play nice at first for whatever reason, but please be patient with them. On the other hand, passive influence may also lead to certain memories, emotions, sensations, or views becoming inaccessible to the fronting alter until the influence ends. So much. According to Van der Hart et als structural model of dissociation (The Haunted Self, 2006), dissociative identity disorder is a case of tertiary dissociation with multiple ANPs and multiple EPs, whereas OSDD is a case of secondary dissociation with a single ANP and multiple EPs. I was a bit shocked. Things come out of my mouth, stuff Im saying and I dont know why Im saying it. This is a scholarly article from Harvard College that tackles six beliefs about DID, why they are irrefutably myths, and how they are damaging. I remember what they shared during those times, but I am quick to shut them up. Well, a support friend, who has seen my struggles the past 2 years, sent me a link to a DID/DDNOS zoom conference last weekend, full of Survivors, Scientists, and Therapists who specialize in Dissociative Disorders. Paul Dell (Dell & O'Neil, 2009) argues convincingly that the externally-observable 'signs' of switching between personality states are only a very small part of what dissociative identity disorder is like in practice . There might be alters who dislike or lash out at other alters within the system. Barely alive, existing moment to moment, knowing I was different than others but not why I was different. Set ground rules for your system. The good news is that 1a and 1b are not the only categories for OSDD systems. Sometimes, it might feel like you are numbing out pain or sensations. Although perhaps the most well-known feature of dissociative identity disorder (DID), switching occurs less often than passive influence or other internal manifestations of dissociated parts. Thanks to this article, I can see how I overlap into both criteria which makes sense to not have an official diagnosis. This author does not have any more posts. Besides that, there are many, many more symptoms that are very common. Not a life others would want though. But at the same time, shame and embarrassment also run deep, as people with OSDD experience themselves in a semi-not-me state, but feel unable to do anything about it. Now is also the time to start establishing boundaries. Welcome to r/OSDD, a community for those affected by otherwise specified dissociative disorder. The following personal communication from someone with OSDD (reprinted with permission) is revealing: I dont have parts like other people seem to. You might feel confused or distressed because you do not identify with the things that people associate your whole identity with such as name, personality, opinions, or preferences. It doesnt feel like me, and when Im like that I can remember things that I dont remember the rest of the time, although Im always worried that Im making it up. But some people do justifiably feel the need for an official diagnosis for a number of reasons, including the pursuit of treatment on the NHS (although a diagnosis of either DID or OSDD is never a guarantee of appropriate therapy); in order to receive better care from the NHS than the pejorative catch-all personality disorder label will elicit; to justify or at least corroborate a claim for welfare benefits; to negotiate appropriate support from an employer; or to determine the pathway of treatment, amongst other reasons. Were not doctors or clinicians and our nonprofit, our work, and this website in no way provide medical advice, nor does it replace therapy or medication in other ways. If two alters choose to switch with one another, they usually have some degree of co-consciousness with each other and could both choose to remain at front, or actively aware of the outside world, after the switch. Because I only struggle to remember when recollecting, and there is plenty of downtime between events in my brain that I just dont remember at all, and my recollection is out of order. DID/OSDD symptoms are always unrelated to other medical conditions or non-disordered experiences, such as substance use or epilepsy. Communication may also be clearer between parts in OSDD-1b systems. You might have moments where you feel like you are in a dream or a fog. This diagnosis was known as dissociative disorder not otherwise specified (DDNOS) before the DSM-5. Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. There are 4 types of OSDD, but the most common is OSDD-1 which is similar to DID. TW: Implied mentions of childhood trauma and fusion/integration. Some indicators that a switch may be about to occur include the following: feeling "spacey", depersonalized, or derealized; blurred vision; feeling distanced or slowed down; feeling an alter's presence; or feeling like time is beginning to jump (indicating minor episodes of time loss). It can be very exciting to be able to get to know a new person thats probably going to end up being an important figure in your life! OSDD What is a Switch? These alters protect the main identity from awareness of trauma. It gives a great summary of all of the research into how DID develops and functions. Indeed, one of the hallmarks of DID is the extremes of coping capacity in their ANP state, people with DID can present as high-functioning and extremely competent, only to crash for example at night when their EP states take over. But for us, we have a few different internal feels when switching. Denying and downplaying symptoms as much as possible is common. Alters who act out like this are deeply traumatized, are confused, feel unheard, etc. There would be no use for the brain to develop the disorders if the symptoms appeared later as it wouldnt be protecting itself in the moment, which is the whole purpose of the disorder. Carolyn Spring Ltd. Company registered in England no 11109933. They still have distinct personality states and distress or issues caused by their symptoms. (PLEASE dont use this list to diagnose yourself. A common identifier in the OSDD community is the idea of OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b, the theoretically two boxes that OSDD systems fall into, depending on what criteria they dont quite match. They were simply people who had endured more than their share of pain in this life and were struggling to make sense of it., Deborah Bray Haddock, The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook. they aren't any more traumatized than me, in fact, after what they've put me through, i'd say they're less, and they still manage to be the most vile people i've ever had the misfortune to encounter. Memories that are transmitted through passive influence may not remain once the influence is over, leaving the fronting alter unable to recall what the memory contained. Thank you for writing this, it helps a lot. Familiar places, objects, and people might suddenly become unfamiliar or detached to you. And in the UK, medical staff tend to prefer the diagnostic manual known as the ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases, version 10) published by the World Health Organisation which is notoriously backward in addressing dissociative disorders. Most often, weve heard the idea of one person stepping back and the other stepping forward, a complete loss of control for one and a complete gain of control for the other. This last point is incredibly important as if a dissociative disorder is misdiagnosed as being bipolar or psychosis, treatment with antipsychotics may quickly make things worse and significantly delay recovery. These cookies do not store any personal information. You may disable these by changing your browser settings, but this may affect how the website functions. Wait, is whole possible now? never heard of any psychosis with those features. You might have moments where you feel unreal. Empathize with them. We are The Alexandrite System, when we first discovered our plurality, we spent months confused and distressed because we didnt fit into the very rigid DID mold. I hope one day your plurality is something that you can take pride in. Everyone in your system has a right to be there. Press J to jump to the feed. Disclaimer: Thank you for reading our peer article; we hope it was empowering, informative and helpful for you and your System. It can leave someone very unsure of their identity and wondering who they truly are. Suzette Boon reports that OSDD actually involves the majority of people who seek treatment for a dissociative disorder (Boon et al, p.10). We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. But the most violent and hateful ones could only front enough to assist in/enact self harm or such things. They cant be allowed to take over. [1] Along with Unspecified Dissociative Disorder it replaces the diagnosis of Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS). A subtype of consensual switches are planned switches that were agreed upon ahead of time. You might feel like your body is unrecognizable, unreal, or doesnt reflect who you are. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. i hear them in my head (they're constantly coconscious with me) and they have very limited control of the body (like, being able to move my arm or something) but they never assume full executive control. You might feel confused or distressed because you do not identify with the same age, gender, or species as your body. While this disorder is hard to live with, we often lead fulfilling lives. (Literally -- there is no fundamental difference between the "host" and "alters" other than who takes care of the day to day responsibilities. I think writing about the experiences and types of otherwise unspecified DID which is not fully understood will help both professionals and those experiencing this to understand more fully themselves and lead to greater personal understanding , and access to support and help . This may manifest as ego-alien thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions, preferences, urges, or actions. One of our system's little quirks is that our childhood is just *poof* gone. Also, if you can give me some more info on what this type of switching is, in what types of systems it's the most common, etc, it would be super useful! It should be said that OSDD systems who have shared memory with their system tend to have a leg up over systems who have memory gaps. Im here looking for answers, because its all so confusing. Schizophrenia can seem a lot like DID to someone that's not a trained professional. This can involve several alters fronting over the course of an hour or even within a few minutes! Get to know them. Switching is often prompted by stress in the individual's life, or by the person's own intrapsychic conflict, such as vague memories of abuse. Every time I heard something the first instinct was hide my.phone, which I haven't done in years because I'm not 12 and I haven't been doing against the rules so like, no problem. 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